tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61927012011-12-14T03:55:45.012ZThis is the official web site of Celebrated Entity. Our publicist insisted. Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comBlogger691100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1144008064583387702006-03-31T19:41:00.000Z2006-04-02T20:01:04.616Z

We can just see the headlines now: Bush Gone Wild! Spring Break Cancun '06 - Show Us Your Diplomacy, Baby!And now for the quotes, from Bush's 3/30/06 meeting with Mexican President Vicente Fox at the Fiesta Americana Condesa Cancun Hotel:"We don't want people sneaking into our country that are going to do jobs Americans won't do, we want them coming in, in an orderly way..."Translation: We want

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1139684613589623022006-02-11T18:39:00.000Z2006-02-11T19:03:36.083Z

Fond greetings, gentlest of readers - We've lately been possessed of the ridiculous desire to unburden ourselves of all our earthly possessions. While we normally shudder at the idea of using two so similar words as "possessed" and "possessions" in a single sentence, we feel it is a stylistic and spiritual necessity, given how truly gripped we are by this desire, and how tightly a grip mere

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1138067108433883802006-01-20T13:35:00.000Z2006-01-24T01:45:26.206Z

      Darlings, we are of course referring to the right honourable Samuel Alito.N'est-ce pas?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1136215919961076892006-01-01T20:43:00.000Z2006-01-02T15:37:50.000Z

Greetings, gentle readers. We've just returned from our island retreat in the Mediterranean, where we spent the last four months lounging, recording, dancing, imbibing, and just being our generally luxurious selves. It was ... oh, words fail us, it was that sublime. And we are that hung over.H A P P Y N E W Y E A R !We positively adore the spectacle of New Year's Eve - we hope yours was

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1136216164416595172005-12-15T19:32:00.000Z2006-01-02T15:37:07.250Z

Seriously, people. What is this fucking thing? From under which rock did it emerge? And why does it torment us so?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1123328782696583192005-08-06T11:41:00.000Z2005-08-06T11:46:22.703Z

Lovely Reader,Last month we told you of our fave new timesucking hobby, BlogShares, the fantasy stock market of the blogosphere. Good god, we're hooked! And we are *going* to win, mark our words. Link to us, friends. You know you want to.Oh yes. It is worse than the smack.Yet...CE

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1123327608108167142005-08-03T16:21:00.000Z2005-08-06T11:26:48.113Z

Gentle Reader,"I know I've been overdrawn a few times and got a few £30 charges but I’ve done nothing to deserve this."Deserve what?, you might rightly be wondering.Apparently, the bank sent this poor chap a new cash card that changed his name from "Chris Lancaster" to "Dick Head." Read the full story in The Register, that bastion of hard-hitting journalism. Kisses!CEP.S. We love you heartily and

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1121013178411080972005-07-10T16:30:00.000Z2005-07-10T16:32:58.416Z

Gentle Reader,If we weren't, well, you know...men, we would totally want to have this guy's baby.Enjoy!CE

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1121011855809558202005-07-07T13:55:00.000Z2005-07-10T16:10:55.816Z

Gentle Reader,Our intrepid publicist has been fielding calls from news agencies and concerned associates around the world, and we wish to thank you for your well wishes and assure you that we are all right. We are deeply saddened by the fact that such assurance doesn't apply to all Londoners. Not being the praying types, we find ourselves nevertheless praying for those who were killed, those who

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1120481621699930082005-07-04T12:48:00.000Z2005-07-04T12:53:44.980Z

Gentle Reader,You know how loath we are to plug the commercial or artistic wares created by those within our circle of associates, but today we must make an exception for the fantastic novel Everything in the Garden by the delightful Jo Verity. We've just finished the novel and we must say... Damn fine show!Remember: Reading is for winners.Ta,CE

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1120484134912691532005-07-02T15:18:00.000Z2005-07-04T13:39:33.430Z

O Gentle Reader,We wish we could convey the warm and tingly feeling we get when an entity even more famous than we are descends from Olympian heights (envision it against a backdrop painted by rosy-fingered Dawn, while you're at it) to grant us the honour of a reply when we have taken the trouble to send a missive their way.It's what our publicist likes to call "Good public relations," that's

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1120257614934352712005-07-01T10:34:00.000Z2005-07-01T22:40:14.936Z

Gentle Reader,We do so love a challenge. We recently discovered BlogShares, the Fantasy Blog Share Market - a blog popularity contest, if you will - and we need your help. We want to win. We are not entirely sure what is to be won, but you are no doubt familiar with our competitive streak (cf. Gumball 3000). Thus, it surely must come as no surprise that we fully intend to rock the fantasy blog

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1119958283961569482005-06-28T11:28:00.000Z2005-06-28T11:32:52.076Z

Dear Nike,Bloody good show!I am sure you had a team of attorneys pre-approve your "Major Threat" ad that is a (let's be honest) blatant ripoff of the Minor Threat album cover. Perhaps it was even part of your strategem from the outset to generate greater public interest in your ad campaign and products, to use such a (really now) clearly misappropriated image.Well good for you, Nike! Way to stick

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1117496193394148842005-05-30T16:28:00.000Z2005-05-30T23:36:33.400Z

Gentle Reader,It happens that I am in America today (Chicago, to be specific) and it strikes me what a lovely place this can be when its people rally around decent ideas like honoring fallen war heroes and grilling a tasty selection of meats on the barbeque. From my hotel room I can see an embarrassment of trees--their green colour so lush it looks digitally enhanced. Beyond the trees lies

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1107004208639296802005-01-28T14:05:00.000Z2005-01-29T13:10:08.640Z

Gentle Reader, It has come to our attention that an unnamed Hollywood film executive has made available online some of the most hideous, painful query letters ever to cross his desk. Visit Query Letters I Love to see why it's a good thing to have screeners. If only some of the aspiring writers had internal screeners...but then, perish the thought, we should have nothing to laugh at. And would

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1106657619191043972005-01-24T13:37:00.000Z2005-01-25T12:54:51.536Z

Our faithful correspondent, one Miss Tara Mathison of Wisconsin, USA, launches an art show today! While we regret being unable to attend (being, as we are, trapped in dreary London, wishing desperately we could escape to a middle-western state which we understand received something like a foot of snow recently...), we highly encourage any of our stateside readers to make the pilgimage. Visit

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1106281668365689322005-01-21T04:25:00.000Z2005-01-21T04:27:48.366Z

We were never quite sure what that phrase was all about...certainly not apples, and rhetorically speaking, it's quite clear the individual on the receiving end of the question ought not be pleased. Strange. Remind us not to think what feel like deep thoughts at this ungodly hour.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1105919702013565142005-01-16T23:52:00.000Z2005-01-16T23:55:02.013Z

That the word of the day, Gentle Reader. Enjoy!

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1105538825600689752005-01-12T07:03:00.000Z2005-01-12T14:07:05.600Z

It is a sad day here at Celebrated Entity. Our intrepid assistant, about whom we occasionally write glowing praise as we're sure you could not fail to have noticed, informs us that the family patriarch, Grandfather Henry, passed away last night. We had the honor of meeting him on several occasions and know that this great man is having a grand old time in heaven, probably drinking a perfect

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104592995697214902005-01-01T15:20:00.000Z2005-01-01T15:23:15.696Z

Ah, the fun of Roman numerals, especially with a hangover. Actually, Gentle Reader, we are not suffering so much this fine afternoon. Perhaps it was the 6 hours sleep, perhaps it was the fine Spanish bubbly last night...we may never know what has us in such fine fettle today. Happy New Year to you, and here's hoping 2005 is fabulous! (We'd settle for "at least not as wretched as 2004...")

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104517619264345382004-12-31T18:22:00.000Z2004-12-31T18:26:59.263Z

Thanks to the help of our intrepid assistant, and a service called Flickr, we now are photo-capable. Hurrah! From time to time we shall post some of our favorite photos from around the world and you, Gentle Reader, shall be able to enjoy a random rotation of them on the top banner of our Web site. Kindly let us know how like them, or if you prefer the more stripped-down Celebrated Entity

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104518317111955852004-12-30T21:27:00.000Z2004-12-31T18:38:37.110Z

It has been brought to our attention that Amazon.com, for our American friends, has set up an easy way to donate to the tsunami relief fund through the American Red Cross, with 100% of your donation going to help out. One-click donations? We hope you don't mind our descending to vugarity, but that positively kicks ass. As of this writing, more than 100,000 people have donated through Amazon.com

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104344654314457372004-12-29T13:14:00.000Z2004-12-29T18:28:50.936Z

Unless you happen to have a cargo plane for delivering mass quantities of food and water to tsunami survivors, sending money is the best way to help. Make a donation to the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies today.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104343980249380322004-12-29T13:04:00.000Z2004-12-29T18:28:24.110Z

Gentle Readers, Our longtime fan and correspondent Susan G. has thankfully survived the tsunami! We have been deeply saddened to watch the death toll climb...first 20,000, then 33,000, then 55,000, now estimates of 80,000...it is positively devastating. Amid news of the tens of thousands still unaccounted for, we were cheered to hear that Susan made it to higher ground in time. We send our

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104182130639643862004-12-27T21:08:00.000Z2004-12-27T21:15:49.116Z

Merry Christmas, all of you lovely people. We had a fantastic holiday--haven't quite recovered from Saturday's drunk, matter of fact. So scratch that--we are still having a fantastic holiday. Nothing like having warm soup delivered to the bedside by the gentle, ministering hands of a home nurse with good cleavage and a firm buttocks...just like Mum always used to say. We must remember to thank

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1103910565256654712004-12-24T12:48:00.000Z2004-12-24T17:49:25.256Z

What do Santa's helpers learn in kindergarten?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1103909704250453722004-12-24T12:33:00.000Z2004-12-24T17:35:04.250Z

How do Mexican sheep say "Merry Christmas!" ?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104420478296604322004-11-03T15:16:00.000Z2004-12-30T15:27:58.296Z

Gentle Readers, You know that we do not typically like to jump into the political fray with nasty, sniping comments about the intelligence of vast segments of the population of our staunch ally America. But come ON. Four more years of that twat? By choice? We still love our friends and fans from across the pond...even the Ohioans. And the Floridians. And those in Colorado who voted down the

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1104421115427418912004-10-15T19:41:00.000Z2004-12-30T15:38:35.426Z

It's what we do best. Gentle Readers in America, please do your civic duty next month and vote. We have visited your fair shores so many times, with stamps in our passport to prove it, that we feel like honorary citizens. (That statue of us in Springfield helps, too, not to mention the plaque on that ice rink in Jonesville--interesting choice, that...not that we're complaining mind you.) Alas,

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1089086061878647732004-07-06T03:51:00.000Z2004-07-06T03:54:21.880Z

Oh dears, We realize you must have been fretting at our mysterious absence. We apologize sincerely, but they simply do not allow computers at the retreat we visited for the last 8 and a half weeks. So, apologies all around, and let's get caught up, shall we? What, pray tell, have YOU been up to since last we spoke? Best, CE

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1083099028626411332004-04-27T20:48:00.000Z2004-04-27T20:54:42.826Z

To our non-Germanic friends, Schadenfreude is that curious phenomenon of feeling satisfaction over another's misfortunes. An illustration of such may be found in this advert for a wedding gown offered on eBay. Happy bidding to you!

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1082900985133464802004-04-25T13:39:00.000Z2004-04-25T13:53:56.356Z

In the wee hours of the birthday celebration for our intrepid publicist on Wednesday (it's all coming back to us now), we had a good laugh about a heinously inappropriate joke we apparently told during our publicist's second interview before we made the hire. We've been informed it involved a Catholic priest, a rabbi, and a Presbyterian minister debating the moment life begins. But for the life

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1082583527765127892004-04-21T21:35:00.000Z2004-04-21T21:42:54.060Z

Today was our intrepid publicist's birthday. We have never witnessed anyone so tiny be able to knock back half as many martinis in one sitting as our birthday pet! What a delight to see. However, given our recent resolution to lay off the sauce ourselves, it was a vicarious pleasure indeed. Thankfully the night did not end with anyone in hospital, like last year.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1082227015510819622004-04-17T18:26:00.000Z2004-04-17T18:40:56.030Z

We could really get used to these mail categories our intrepid publicist has devised to help us sort through the detritus of everyday living. Most of the correspondence that arrives naturally falls into the category of Rubbish. We've been greatly amused to see what has landed in the Paternity Suit pile; after a few days we realized that this was not meant literally, but more as a catch all for "

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1081965605805986522004-04-14T17:32:00.000Z2004-04-14T18:04:02.653Z

Lest you be concerned that our absence from our page was a signal of something grave, we are happy to report that we've been lollygagging on the Riviera for the last several days. It's what mum used to call making lemonade out of life's inevitable barrage of tart, citrusy projectiles. We've been working on our tan... we've been upgraded from death-like pallor to just plain pasty. Hurrah! We

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1081194792109746342004-04-05T19:51:00.000Z2004-04-05T19:56:56.763Z

Some political humour for the evening... In light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised their terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate."

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1080689005431045492004-03-30T22:52:00.000Z2004-03-30T23:27:01.640Z

We just witnessed the most disturbing sight. While standing in line at the local grocery (yes, we know...not our usual bag; however, given the current fragility of our beloved publicist, we've decided to shoulder more of the burden of everyday living) we spied a homely hausfrau unscrew the cap of a bottle of salad dressing (Caesar), bring it to her lips, and take a swig. She then recapped the

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1080418084602498792004-03-27T20:02:00.000Z2004-03-27T20:11:36.750Z

Greetings, all. This week has been dreadful. The weather hasn't helped, of course, but we've been listless, groggy, and just all around in a foul mood. Losing our best friend seems to have but one positive side effect, which is weight loss. We haven't looked so svelte since our heroin days. Lahhh. Not something we're proud of, but at least we're coming by the gaunt look honestly this time around.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1079895220070269932004-03-21T18:38:00.000Z2004-03-21T18:57:03.263Z

Dear all, We've recently suffered a loss that has left us utterly bereft, speechlessly heartbroken. Our best friend, heretofore unnamed but whose identity we're sure you can deduce (given what the Telegraph has been printing lately), has packed up and moved to the south of Italy indefinitely. For what reasons, we may never know, but it seems to have been something long-simmering yet unspoken, for

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1079295950856456182004-03-14T20:21:00.000Z2004-03-14T20:29:04.936Z

We send our heartfelt condolences to our friends in Madrid and to all the people of Spain. Thursday's bombings were a terrible tragedy. We have always loved Madrid, never moreso than now. Our thoughts are with you.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1078958158423611952004-03-10T22:28:00.000Z2004-03-10T22:39:07.013Z

Oh dear. It seems we have a bit of a fascist streak. One of our alert readers introduced us to a wonderful web tool that tests Your Political Compass to determine whether your sociopolitical leanings coincide more with those of, say, Gandhi or Margaret Thatcher. We'd like to say our results were a surprise, but we must admit we've always had a thing for Gerhard Schroeder. Where do you stand?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1078321475957626062004-03-03T13:41:00.000Z2004-03-03T13:47:34.466Z

...our new favorite snacks. Back to basics, we say. Nothing better than the sound of an orange being peeled. It's a moment taut with expectation--will it be juicy or dry? sweet or tart?--as the leathery rind separates from the fruit within. We applaud whoever came up with the idea. And you, gentle reader? What's in your refrigerator these days?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1078155200668887082004-03-01T15:32:00.000Z2004-03-01T15:36:16.653Z

That's all for today. We're going back to sleep, thank you.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1078086598814720522004-02-29T20:26:00.000Z2004-02-29T20:32:53.623Z

Of course we would never say so during our acceptance speech, but we've been on pins and needles about tonight's big awards. Many thanks to all of you who have been sending good-luck messages and letters in advance of this evening's ceremony. We are humbled by your support and goodwill. Let's just hope the judges share your good sense and bestow this wonderful honor on us!

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1077993708937391712004-02-28T18:33:00.000Z2004-02-28T18:44:42.090Z

We know we should be above this type of thing, but whenever "Antiques Roadshow" comes on, we sit transfixed.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1077461516115260402004-02-22T14:47:00.000Z2004-02-22T14:54:40.686Z

We did it again: We went to our local curry shop. This time, however, the results were much less destructive, as we took our own advice and did not order the vindaloo. So last evening, after we laid waste to several tandoori-packed takeout boxes, we found ourselves wondering if there is anything finer in this world than a well-prepared tandoori chicken. Well, people, is there?

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1076940348711224452004-02-16T13:53:00.000Z2004-02-16T14:08:25.640Z

Gentle Reader, When you open your email inbox, doubtless you are confronted with loads of unsolicited messages that bore, offend, or titillate you. Until recently, we had been spared such spam due to the electronic vetting of our inbox by our capable publicist. However, being that it was the holiday weekend (St. Valentine's Day, one of the lesser-known celebrations of the Roman Catholic faith)

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1076208115315912562004-02-08T02:25:00.000Z2004-02-08T02:44:54.403Z

While we're awake and complaining about vindaloo-induced heartburn, we might as well tell you what we're reading. The Mineral Palace, by American author Heidi JulavitsThe Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Mark HaddonThe back of the loperamide box

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1076206819821812782004-02-08T02:15:00.000Z2004-02-08T02:22:44.796Z

We are entirely too white for our own good, it seems. Thus, we pass along the following advice: When ordering vindaloo from the local curry shop, do not get into a bravado match with the chap behind the counter, for while he is willowy and you are quite able to hold your own thank you, he has been trained since birth to withstand the power of vindaloo, whereas you, O whelp of European culinary

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1075557312453356392004-01-31T13:54:00.000Z2004-01-31T13:57:27.403Z

“…ask for a Diet Coke to put them in. That way, at least you’ll have a decent beverage for your descent into Hell.” - - - Grettir Asmundarson

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1075554334427837622004-01-31T13:03:00.000Z2004-01-31T13:09:29.653Z

We've always loved that phrase from Homer. It's one of the few bits of personification we can tolerate.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1074906316584041752004-01-24T00:37:00.000Z2004-01-24T01:11:25.716Z

Today our publicist, over tea and tiny sandwiches, shared details of a personal scandal of a somewhat tedious nature, except inasmuch as it raised a brilliant ethical question, which we now pose to you, Gentle Reader, for consideration: If your lover secretly kept passionate missives and unambiguously desirous poems from a so-called friend (dated in the present year, month, etc.), in the same

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1074437949110942312004-01-18T14:50:00.000Z2004-01-18T15:01:06.250Z

Our publicist tells us that countless letters have arrived asking us what we want for our birthday. Though it is months before said blessed event, we have been gently reminded that many of our fans in Latin America and Asia like to get shopping early so as not to have their gifts delayed in the post. *Sigh* We are truly touched, we'll have you know. But you really don't have to get us anything.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1073784624800228142004-01-11T01:11:00.000Z2004-01-11T01:30:45.203Z

DRINKS -Mojitos. Hemingway wasn't all bad, it turns out. -Ginger tea SNACKS -Thin-sliced dark pumpernickel with Lurpak Danish butter. Trust us, the butter really makes a difference. -Spanish clementines SEAFOOD -Seared ahi tuna PRECIPITATION -Hail (pea-sized or larger) BOOKS ABOUT PLACES WE'VE NEVER BEEN -Michael Perry's Population 485: Meeting Your Neighbors One Siren at a Time RELATIVE -

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1073460242332340182004-01-07T07:18:00.000Z2004-01-07T07:24:21.793Z

michael jackson britney spears julia child charles nelson reilly lord admiral nelson oh my god jesus fucking christ almighty elton john princess diana charles in charge it visa (tm) it's everywhere you want to be i vant to be alone mommy? no more wire hangers! we all feel better in the dark donnie darko darth vader i will be your father figure george michael jackson. That's enough therapy for

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1073459883965087752004-01-07T07:14:00.000Z2004-01-31T13:04:38.950Z

While we try to avoid global sociopolitical commentary before breakfast, we must give high marks to the genius behind The End of the World. Truly brilliant show. This made our day. UPDATE ADDED ON 30 JAN 2004: Bloody hell, kids, they've taken down the animation. Too many hits, we suspect. Until it resurfaces on a more stable host, we refer you to one of our perennial favorites, Mr. Ze Frank. We

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1073397618739416802004-01-06T13:59:00.000Z2004-01-06T14:30:39.603Z

...waking mid-afternoon (such as now) because we can.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1073000680320743812004-01-01T23:29:00.000Z2004-01-01T23:45:26.520Z

Greetings, gentle reader. We hope you had a rockin' New Year's Eve, as America's well-preserved Dick Clark likes to say. We enjoyed an intimate soiree at the home of one of our artist friends. Shortly before midnight, we all walked down to the banks of the Thames and launched tiny paper boats, each housing a burning tea light candle, into the water. With our boats went our wishes for the New

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1072804070174906242003-12-30T17:05:00.000Z2004-01-01T23:50:45.750Z

Q: Dear Celebrated Entity, What did you get from Santa this year? A: More than we deserved. See for yourself at Wish Central.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1072334996298751222003-12-25T06:38:00.000Z2003-12-25T06:50:42.823Z

We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a corgi with fangs! It has been quite a day, what with fighting Royal canines, mad cows across the pond, and stranded Frenchies circling LAX. Thank deity for tandoori shops open on Christmas Eve, is all we can say. Who has time to cook cornish hens when one can scarcely tear oneself away from the

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1072146384945277322003-12-23T02:06:00.000Z2003-12-23T02:27:03.533Z

Our publicist informs us that The People are frothing at the mouth to have some kind of personal dialogue with us. About what, we're not quite sure. Could it be politics? Football (soccer, to our stateside friends)? The world of celebrity goings-on? Neoplatonic conceptions of hierarchy? The future of edible fashion? We suppose the world is your oyster, O you, The People. So herewith, the first

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1072055388485538732003-12-22T00:57:00.000Z2003-12-22T01:10:03.903Z

Quick! Celebrated Entity Pop Culture Word Association! Anyone can play... The Pope = wilted Princess Diana = shiny Britney Spears = inflatable Ben Affleck = overblown Lord of the Rings movies = long Santa Claus = real Jeffrey Eugenides = brilliant Pet Shop Boys = still got it The Economist = seductive houseplants = doomed George W. Bush, Lord God of the Free World = twat

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071936419158076882003-12-20T15:54:00.000Z2003-12-20T16:09:16.813Z

It has recently come to our attention that in an effort to, ahem, rehabilitate its image, the Texas Department of Criminal Justice sanitized its website by removing a page listing the final meal requests made by death row inmates prior to execution. It was said to be a tasteless feature. Apparently, Texans don't mind the prospect of executing 483 prisoners (the current number on death row), but

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071636863672998722003-12-17T04:39:00.000Z2003-12-17T04:54:37.196Z

Our publicist, concerned by the lack of traffic on our site (which, we'd like to remind him, has only been in existence for a few days, thank you very much), gently suggested that we might increase the "sexiness" of our commentary by dropping the names of our celebrity friends. Actual names, not implied ones. And apparently the "S. Hussein" of a previous post does not count, as he is most

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071483054070346802003-12-15T10:01:00.000Z2003-12-15T10:12:04.976Z

While the invocation of the phrase "current affairs" usually causes us to think of our own latest dalliance, today we cannot help but think of the grander sweep of history and all that may come of the capture of the bearded, doddering S. Hussein. Our publicist tells us that The People have been awaiting our official comment on the matter (although we cannot imagine why The People feel that we

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071438836118549922003-12-14T21:44:00.000Z2003-12-14T21:54:55.310Z

...when the doorbell rang a few hours ago. It is widely known that Sunday is our Day of Lounging. As it turns out, today's schoolchildren (selling sweets for the unfortunate) are not as "in the know" as the rest of our associates, who, it can be said to their credit, have learned to leave us the hell alone on this one day of the week. In case the reader wonders, we did purchase a case of

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071241490987566532003-12-12T14:29:00.000Z2003-12-12T15:05:03.960Z

Our lawyers tell us that an abhorrent individual whom we once called friend is threatening to go forward with the Celebrated Entity: Juvenalia publication. Letters, portfolio shots, scribblings, the whole bit. We fear that taking legal action may cause a LyingLiars-like propulsion to the heights of bestsellerdom for this ridiculous piece of trash. The lesson? Padlock the archives before turning

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071123232116754342003-12-11T06:10:00.000Z2003-12-11T06:14:04.600Z

Really we do. It pleases us to no end to be clattering away on the iMac before self-respecting London drunks have even dragged their asses home from the pubs. We hope they are drinking an extra something special on our behalf. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson, indeed!

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6192701.post-1071122358048485432003-12-11T05:56:00.000Z2003-12-11T06:14:49.130Z

In light of the recent unpleasantness, our publicist suggested that we take to the streets, as it were, and try to court public opinion back to our favor. In our unguarded moments we tend to want to say Fuck public opinion, but our publicist reminds us that public opinion is what keeps us in Armani, so here we are. Hooray, gentle reader. Welcome to our Blog.

Celebratedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08885098662061065498noreply@blogger.com